Carmine
Old Man with a Hat
Because I daily-drive old cars, people often ask me about how to get into the “vintage car” hobby. And I think that’s a great thing… Strength in numbers and all that.
The problem is that what often hooks people into the idea of an old car is not compatible with a satisfactory old-car experience. In all the car magazine and websites I’ve been reading for 30+ years, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen such an article written on the subject.
What is the hook? The open-air feel of a convertible. The awesome sound of a heavily-cammed engine. A paint job that looks six-feet deep. Maybe a desire to be one-of-the-guys at the local cruise night, or relive some youthful memory. But remember, these are all intangibles. This is like me saying I want to feel what it’s like to be hoisted up by my teammates after scoring the winning basket. But I can’t dribble reliably and haven’t been on a court since middle-school.
The internet can be a huge help, but it won’t turn wrenches for you. Everyone wants to be the hero and solve your problem, especially people with poor reading comprehension. I’ve never personally witnessed someone restore a car with a checkbook, but I hear it happens. What I most definitely have seen are people being ripped-off, disappointed, frustrated and ultimately abandoning their dream.
People ask me, “What’s a good shop”? I have no answer for that question. I have a local guy I trust to change parts that I don’t want to attempt without a lift. But even that boils down to boring, mundane things like inner tie-rod ends on a fairly modern car, or change a coolant hose on a minivan. He doesn’t want to cheat me, nor does he want me to tie up his shop familiarizing himself withPrincipals of Modern Carburetion, Bantam Books, 1969. That’s why our arrangement works. I’m sure people eventually reach a stage where they can afford to have other people fix things… I don’t know any of those people. I probably can handle a restoration bill, but I’m frustrated before I get the first estimate. I considered farming-out some work on my ’73 Polara and traveled to three local shops. I walked past the Autorama trophies and custom-billet laser-etched oil breathers and spoke to Miss December who put my name in a database. See you in 2021. I don’t think we’re a good fit.
So my advice… if you’re a neophyte, just starting out; is to forget about having the coolest old car with perfect chrome, a rumbling cam, stops on a dime, lays rubber on command. Think about what attracts you to the hobby? If I handed you the keys to a nice but shelf-worn, low option, triple-green ’73 Newport sedan and said “drive this for a year”; would you?
Buy your first old car based on condition and learn to fall in love with it. Think of it as an arranged marriage and everyone in both families is smarter than you. The good news is, you can move on as your skills improve and no one will declare a Fatwa, kill your family, or demand you return their sacred goat.
My 1976 Royal Monaco would have been a great car for a first timer. It was never abused (except briefly before I rescued it). It was always maintained. It doesn’t stink. The seats are nice. It has some minor rust, but it’s not going to structurally collapse. Because it’s on the newer side of the C-body scale, it has a lot of nice things like good disc brakes, a 100 amp alternator, a better wiring harness, modern dash lighting, and so forth. It would give you a chance to learn things like carburetors and linkage before you need to master cleaning bulkhead connectors or rheostat rebuilds. Because it’s an undesirable 4dr sedan, it was under $3000. I see cars like this for sale all the time. That’s where you should begin your quest. That’s the advice no one ever listens to. They want what got them hooked. Shiny. Loud. Fast. OK, go play basketball with the street kids, get smoked and never touch a basketball again. My advice is to start slow and build your skills.
Forget about modifying it on day one. Everybody wants to share their success story, but people who’ve been burned-out on projects aren’t posting on this any forum. They’re off cursing behind the wheel of their leased Hyundee about all the money they pissed away on an old project car. Always, always, always keep in mind a few things:
· These are machines. They don’t know how old they are. 50 years ago, people expected their new cars to carry them reliably through the desert on a tank of gas they bought in Tijuana. Or up a mountain pass through a snow storm. They had points, 60 amp alternators, and tar-top batteries. If your car isn’t up to any of that, it’s because something isn’t functioning to design intent. None of the companies around in 1968 would have existed in 1969 if their products couldn’t perform these tasks. With the exception of tires, my daily driver is much the same as it was 40 years ago. I’d drive it to Arizona RIGHT NOW if you got me the time off work. (I mean that. If anyone can pull strings… it’s raining again and I feel sick.) The same engineers designed whatever you’re looking at, if you’re shopping Mopars.
· When and if you make modifications, they should be made after you’ve returned that particular system to working condition… As practical. Obviously if you had a car without brake spindles, I wouldn’t tell you to get the drums working before you swapped to discs. But you’re a beginner, remember? Why did you buy a car without wheels, dumbass? What practical means is don’t do this… “My car has a miss at idle. Johnny Hotrod on the internet told me that points are no good, I should get rid of them.” Then you waste a bunch of time and money without learning you had a plug wire grounding out.
I’m going to stop writing here… I need to pack up for the day and this isn’t going to be a literary masterpiece anyway. Others may have thoughts and I’ll probably chime in again.
The problem is that what often hooks people into the idea of an old car is not compatible with a satisfactory old-car experience. In all the car magazine and websites I’ve been reading for 30+ years, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen such an article written on the subject.
What is the hook? The open-air feel of a convertible. The awesome sound of a heavily-cammed engine. A paint job that looks six-feet deep. Maybe a desire to be one-of-the-guys at the local cruise night, or relive some youthful memory. But remember, these are all intangibles. This is like me saying I want to feel what it’s like to be hoisted up by my teammates after scoring the winning basket. But I can’t dribble reliably and haven’t been on a court since middle-school.
The internet can be a huge help, but it won’t turn wrenches for you. Everyone wants to be the hero and solve your problem, especially people with poor reading comprehension. I’ve never personally witnessed someone restore a car with a checkbook, but I hear it happens. What I most definitely have seen are people being ripped-off, disappointed, frustrated and ultimately abandoning their dream.
People ask me, “What’s a good shop”? I have no answer for that question. I have a local guy I trust to change parts that I don’t want to attempt without a lift. But even that boils down to boring, mundane things like inner tie-rod ends on a fairly modern car, or change a coolant hose on a minivan. He doesn’t want to cheat me, nor does he want me to tie up his shop familiarizing himself withPrincipals of Modern Carburetion, Bantam Books, 1969. That’s why our arrangement works. I’m sure people eventually reach a stage where they can afford to have other people fix things… I don’t know any of those people. I probably can handle a restoration bill, but I’m frustrated before I get the first estimate. I considered farming-out some work on my ’73 Polara and traveled to three local shops. I walked past the Autorama trophies and custom-billet laser-etched oil breathers and spoke to Miss December who put my name in a database. See you in 2021. I don’t think we’re a good fit.
So my advice… if you’re a neophyte, just starting out; is to forget about having the coolest old car with perfect chrome, a rumbling cam, stops on a dime, lays rubber on command. Think about what attracts you to the hobby? If I handed you the keys to a nice but shelf-worn, low option, triple-green ’73 Newport sedan and said “drive this for a year”; would you?
Buy your first old car based on condition and learn to fall in love with it. Think of it as an arranged marriage and everyone in both families is smarter than you. The good news is, you can move on as your skills improve and no one will declare a Fatwa, kill your family, or demand you return their sacred goat.
My 1976 Royal Monaco would have been a great car for a first timer. It was never abused (except briefly before I rescued it). It was always maintained. It doesn’t stink. The seats are nice. It has some minor rust, but it’s not going to structurally collapse. Because it’s on the newer side of the C-body scale, it has a lot of nice things like good disc brakes, a 100 amp alternator, a better wiring harness, modern dash lighting, and so forth. It would give you a chance to learn things like carburetors and linkage before you need to master cleaning bulkhead connectors or rheostat rebuilds. Because it’s an undesirable 4dr sedan, it was under $3000. I see cars like this for sale all the time. That’s where you should begin your quest. That’s the advice no one ever listens to. They want what got them hooked. Shiny. Loud. Fast. OK, go play basketball with the street kids, get smoked and never touch a basketball again. My advice is to start slow and build your skills.
Forget about modifying it on day one. Everybody wants to share their success story, but people who’ve been burned-out on projects aren’t posting on this any forum. They’re off cursing behind the wheel of their leased Hyundee about all the money they pissed away on an old project car. Always, always, always keep in mind a few things:
· These are machines. They don’t know how old they are. 50 years ago, people expected their new cars to carry them reliably through the desert on a tank of gas they bought in Tijuana. Or up a mountain pass through a snow storm. They had points, 60 amp alternators, and tar-top batteries. If your car isn’t up to any of that, it’s because something isn’t functioning to design intent. None of the companies around in 1968 would have existed in 1969 if their products couldn’t perform these tasks. With the exception of tires, my daily driver is much the same as it was 40 years ago. I’d drive it to Arizona RIGHT NOW if you got me the time off work. (I mean that. If anyone can pull strings… it’s raining again and I feel sick.) The same engineers designed whatever you’re looking at, if you’re shopping Mopars.
· When and if you make modifications, they should be made after you’ve returned that particular system to working condition… As practical. Obviously if you had a car without brake spindles, I wouldn’t tell you to get the drums working before you swapped to discs. But you’re a beginner, remember? Why did you buy a car without wheels, dumbass? What practical means is don’t do this… “My car has a miss at idle. Johnny Hotrod on the internet told me that points are no good, I should get rid of them.” Then you waste a bunch of time and money without learning you had a plug wire grounding out.
I’m going to stop writing here… I need to pack up for the day and this isn’t going to be a literary masterpiece anyway. Others may have thoughts and I’ll probably chime in again.
