tbm3fan
Old Man with a Hat
On January 8th my father went in for brain surgery two benign meningiomas which turned out to be more aggressive growing than normal. I'll tell you now if that ever happens in your older age make sure you PRESS the doctor regarding treatment as they will try to minimize it if you are 88 years old. These tumors were affecting his behavior and the resulting meds were affecting behavior and balance come October through December.
The surgery went very well according to the surgeon. Then he had a seizure 3 days later and they sedated him to prevent any others. No idea what the seizure may have affected. Being sedated meant a breathing tube for the entire time. That entire time dragged out to 2 weeks. The consequences are that you can't clear your lungs of secretions. Last weekend the tube had to be removed and the question was if he doesn't try to breathe do they perform a trach or let him expire. The trach would be long term.
Couldn't do the trach as he made me promise long ago no nursing homes. Luckily he started to breathe on his own. They gave him O2 but had a feeding tube down his nose. No doubt his throat was too irritated by the tube along with his vocal cords. He would try to speak but nothing came out. Saw him Tuesday and Wednesday and he seemed to be coming along. Then Friday things seemed to take a turn the wrong way. My sister was up and at the hospital and I got a call from her.
The call was while I was at my office and just finishing with a patient. My mood goes south quickly as I am not really ready for this all of a sudden. As in what the hell happened? He is struggling with clearing his lungs. He is agitated every time he is suctioned among other things. The doctor and my sister don't think he will make it and he is in pain. They want to start a morphine IV drip that increases over time. You can figure out what that means after 48 hours.
My brother is there on Saturday and on board. Everyone is onboard except the ex-second wife. Yeah I know she is ex even though he is on her insurance and the hospital thinks they were married. On top of it there is no advanced directive in the hospital records. Maybe the primary care but he is closed. She is against the IV because it means he will go to sleep and won't be able to look at her. WTF! My brother and I are ready to physically throw her out of the room but my sister and doctor will play diplomat and they convince her for the moment. She is a manipulator and will try to back track. His first wife, my mother, has dementia so she is completely unaware of this.
So the drip is started and he is awake and able to see all of us in front of him when he opens his eyes. Couldn't say when all three of us were in one place together for him. He then gradually dozes off and I head home at 6pm where my sister shows up at 9pm. My brother then calls that he doesn't look good and won't make it through the night. We both get there and I watch for 2 hours. I HATED that. I felt like a vulture sitting high in a tree waiting for the deer to die so I could eat. Told my brother he will get through the night and head for home for very little sleep.
Sunday morning my sister is there as she never left. Brother is back. The ex is there right next to my Dad. He seems comfortable and so my sister and I go down for coffee. We return an hour later and my father's head is back, his mouth wide open, he gasps for air every 10 seconds with every third followed by gurgling in his lungs from fluid. This repeats over and over and over and over again. I'm sitting there for two hours and I can't handle it. I feel I should be there but at the same time this is not how I want to see him. As of now my last vision is of what I described along with those sounds.
They are now etched in my mind. I had to get up and leave. Downstairs I find an old voice mail so I can listen to his normal voice over and over again. I went home and dug through pictures to pull out ones of him to look at in order to try to wipe out that last vision. How it works I don't know yet. I feel guilty in that I should be there to watch him die yet I can't sit there for hours on end listening to him struggling to breathe. On top of it I know his body, not his mind, simply will not give up. Now I am watching the Super Bowl, by myself, as I would have watched it with him and instead wait out the weekend from hell while trying to hold it together.
Just heard from my sister that he passed away, at the age of 92, just 15 minutes after I left the hospital.
The surgery went very well according to the surgeon. Then he had a seizure 3 days later and they sedated him to prevent any others. No idea what the seizure may have affected. Being sedated meant a breathing tube for the entire time. That entire time dragged out to 2 weeks. The consequences are that you can't clear your lungs of secretions. Last weekend the tube had to be removed and the question was if he doesn't try to breathe do they perform a trach or let him expire. The trach would be long term.
Couldn't do the trach as he made me promise long ago no nursing homes. Luckily he started to breathe on his own. They gave him O2 but had a feeding tube down his nose. No doubt his throat was too irritated by the tube along with his vocal cords. He would try to speak but nothing came out. Saw him Tuesday and Wednesday and he seemed to be coming along. Then Friday things seemed to take a turn the wrong way. My sister was up and at the hospital and I got a call from her.
The call was while I was at my office and just finishing with a patient. My mood goes south quickly as I am not really ready for this all of a sudden. As in what the hell happened? He is struggling with clearing his lungs. He is agitated every time he is suctioned among other things. The doctor and my sister don't think he will make it and he is in pain. They want to start a morphine IV drip that increases over time. You can figure out what that means after 48 hours.
My brother is there on Saturday and on board. Everyone is onboard except the ex-second wife. Yeah I know she is ex even though he is on her insurance and the hospital thinks they were married. On top of it there is no advanced directive in the hospital records. Maybe the primary care but he is closed. She is against the IV because it means he will go to sleep and won't be able to look at her. WTF! My brother and I are ready to physically throw her out of the room but my sister and doctor will play diplomat and they convince her for the moment. She is a manipulator and will try to back track. His first wife, my mother, has dementia so she is completely unaware of this.
So the drip is started and he is awake and able to see all of us in front of him when he opens his eyes. Couldn't say when all three of us were in one place together for him. He then gradually dozes off and I head home at 6pm where my sister shows up at 9pm. My brother then calls that he doesn't look good and won't make it through the night. We both get there and I watch for 2 hours. I HATED that. I felt like a vulture sitting high in a tree waiting for the deer to die so I could eat. Told my brother he will get through the night and head for home for very little sleep.
Sunday morning my sister is there as she never left. Brother is back. The ex is there right next to my Dad. He seems comfortable and so my sister and I go down for coffee. We return an hour later and my father's head is back, his mouth wide open, he gasps for air every 10 seconds with every third followed by gurgling in his lungs from fluid. This repeats over and over and over and over again. I'm sitting there for two hours and I can't handle it. I feel I should be there but at the same time this is not how I want to see him. As of now my last vision is of what I described along with those sounds.
They are now etched in my mind. I had to get up and leave. Downstairs I find an old voice mail so I can listen to his normal voice over and over again. I went home and dug through pictures to pull out ones of him to look at in order to try to wipe out that last vision. How it works I don't know yet. I feel guilty in that I should be there to watch him die yet I can't sit there for hours on end listening to him struggling to breathe. On top of it I know his body, not his mind, simply will not give up. Now I am watching the Super Bowl, by myself, as I would have watched it with him and instead wait out the weekend from hell while trying to hold it together.
Just heard from my sister that he passed away, at the age of 92, just 15 minutes after I left the hospital.
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