azblackhemi
Old Man with a Hat
My sincere condolences. Such a shame it had to be under trying circumstances. May your dad rest in peace.
Bad weekend
- Thread starter tbm3fan
- Start date
Knebel
Senior Member
Look, first,my condolences. Second, do not feel guilty about not being there when he passed. I have some pretty bad last memories too of family memebers that were really sick and would have rather kept them in my memory when they were happy. I have a friend whos dad died from leukemia, he wishes he had never visited the hospital to see him like this. I understand your pain, remember the good things and good times you had with him and the bad last memory will eventually fade out over time. I think people can't pass peacefully when everyone is watching them, my grandpa passed away withing a few minutes of my mom leaving the room... i had some sort of feeling that he was passing and called her to tell her to let him know i love him (I'm here in the states, my famiy is overseas). He passed away that night. Your dad most likely knew you were there and he knew you couldn't handle this. I am sure he forgave you!
fc7_plumcrazy
Old Man with a Hat
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My condolences. May your Dad rest in peace
My condolences.
My condolences to you and your family.
GJS
Senior Member
So sorry to hear this. Best to you and your family.
70bigblockdodge
Old Man with a Hat
Sorry to hear this and for your loss. Went through this with my mother. She went on Morphine IV on Saturday they said she would be gone by Tuesday, finally Sat at 5 am.
Miserable to watch, worse than watching paint dry.
My condolences.
Miserable to watch, worse than watching paint dry.
My condolences.
Pete Kaczmarski
Senior Member
I'm sorry for your loss and you have my sympathy. My Mother died March 8, 2018. She had began hospice on Monday, the following day a nearby apartment building had a bomb explode and killed the maker. The FBI thought all was O.K. until there were more explosions and a wide radius needed to be evacuated. The first notification was 6 pm Tuesday and the entire 50 residents of the assisted living needed to be gone in two hours. At that time Mom was unconscious and transported to a different hospital during a snow storm, than my brother and I was told. That night she was conscious enough to be afraid and I never left her room. A hospital Doctor came in after reviewing her medical file and asked why she was on hospice as he did not agree she was dying. A week leading up to this she was in a different hospital E.R. and had multiple tests of blood, CAT scan and x-rays to try to find out what is wrong. The transfer hospital would not allow our hospice in the building because they did not have a contract with them. I complained to the CEO and late that night they changed their tune. Mom had a bit of normalcy and I made a rhubarb strawberry raisin pie and she ate a whole piece. Wednesday night things went bad and was out of it and sometimes unconscious but she did get hospice. Then the hospital wanted us to move Mom to a local motel because they needed the rooms for upcoming surgery's. At 6:30 pm we were notified she could return home to the assisted living. That night was terrible gasping for air and it went into Thursday. The hospice people thought the end was here and family should be contacted to say good bye. If too far away hold the phone up to her ear which many did and others came in person. The hospice people thought she was hanging on for my late brother three kids about an hour away. Two could arrive late afternoon. Mom was still holding on and the last grandkid came at 9:30 pm. He visited with her alone and five minutes later I walked in and found she had died at 92 yoa. When I came home there was a call on my homes voice mail. It was my moms Doctors nurse stating ALL of the battery of tests came back NORMAL. We had multiple issues the last two weeks of moms life. The following weeks if she was alive would of been a mess as the FBI stated the bomb apartment building needed to be burned down because of the chemicals of the bomb maker was unstable. So the assisted living and other apartments needed to be evacuated again.
Carmine
Old Man with a Hat
live4theking
Old Man with a Hat
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Wow, I'm so sorry that the last little bit of your Dads life was so difficult and challenging.
My father passed March 28th, 2018; at 87 yoa. My family and I made it down to see him just days before. When I got to the hospital with my oldest brother he raised a stink about wanting hot chocolate until my brother went and got it. As soon as he was gone he looked at me and said I wondered if I would ever see you and the kids again. He was in Tx us in PA. I didn't take it in a bad way, just that he wanted to see his youngest son and grandkids again. It brought him comfort to see us so for that I'll always be glad that we made the trip. On the other hand we were there for a few days and not getting consistent information from anyone on his condition or prognosis. They transferred him to a nursing home the night before we had to leave to come home, the same one my mother had been in 5 years prior. The next morning the family and one of my sisters went to see him before heading for home. Three to four hours after we left I got a call from my sister that he had passed. She spent the morning with him and told him that she was going to get lunch. While she was gone for lunch he slipped away. I was in and out of it, but I think he was fully aware that none of us kids were there.
How do I deal with less than pleasant memories. I think of him playing on the floor with my children while he was in this 80's.
I'll be praying that you feel the presence and peace of Christ in these coming days.
John
My father passed March 28th, 2018; at 87 yoa. My family and I made it down to see him just days before. When I got to the hospital with my oldest brother he raised a stink about wanting hot chocolate until my brother went and got it. As soon as he was gone he looked at me and said I wondered if I would ever see you and the kids again. He was in Tx us in PA. I didn't take it in a bad way, just that he wanted to see his youngest son and grandkids again. It brought him comfort to see us so for that I'll always be glad that we made the trip. On the other hand we were there for a few days and not getting consistent information from anyone on his condition or prognosis. They transferred him to a nursing home the night before we had to leave to come home, the same one my mother had been in 5 years prior. The next morning the family and one of my sisters went to see him before heading for home. Three to four hours after we left I got a call from my sister that he had passed. She spent the morning with him and told him that she was going to get lunch. While she was gone for lunch he slipped away. I was in and out of it, but I think he was fully aware that none of us kids were there.
How do I deal with less than pleasant memories. I think of him playing on the floor with my children while he was in this 80's.
I'll be praying that you feel the presence and peace of Christ in these coming days.
John
So sorry for you loss, prayers sent for you and your family.
LocuMob
Fluid Technician with a hat
Sorry for your loss, it's never easy.
monaco75
Senior Member
Sorry for the loss of your dad. May he Rest In Peace.
johnson
New Member
my condolences to you and yours .
tbm3fan
Old Man with a Hat
First off thanks to everybody and their condolences.
Over the past week we have gotten some things straightened out. My sister heard from my father's lawyer and it turns out he did have an advanced directive (2003) listing my sister so all that we went through with the ex was not needed. Yet no one knew at the time. Being the youngest she is also the executor. So on Friday I needed to go to the funeral home to sign the cremation consent after they were told the ex wasn't legal. While there I noticed that the ex signed that page with my father's last name which ticked me off. On the next page she used her true last name. The aide saw what I said and then went back to redo every single page for me to sign thereby eliminating her from the papers.
Then, because I woke up in the middle of the night before as I was having a dream about my father, I needed to confirm burial in the ground. He will be going to the Sacramento Valley National Cemetery in Dixon where there is ground and wall burial. He did specify ground. Then checked to make sure his rank was correct. Last, to make sure they were made aware that the Flag presentation is to me and not the ex. Time to end the charade.
Of course, I woke up at 5am this morning having another dream. This was a two part dream dealing with burial certificates and end of life. I called the funeral home to make sure all certificates are to be delivered to me when they call me to pick them up. The second part, which forced me out of bed because sleeping was pointless dealt with end of life. My end of life. My father may have almost made 93 but my mother has dementia and healthy. Which way will I go and do I take things into my own hands if things go the wrong way. A person really has absolute control over one thing and that is whether they live or die. I have no desire to wander a house endlessly not remembering a single thing from one minute to the next. I have seen countless nursing home patients, who could live 10 years in a home, even though their memory is totally gone. Not for me.
On Wednesday I drove my father's car to pick my son up at school. My father only had two new cars in his life since his working life was filled with numerous company cars some nice and exotic. Only my mother got a new car. So he treated himself to a 2004 Buick Le Sabre in dark metallic red and chrome wheels. Stunning car. It is now mine to go along with his other new car which was my first car when I was 16, the 68 Mercury Cougar. In the car my 10 year old, who likes the car, sat in the front and was going through everything and noticed a picture of Pop pop in the center console. I had just put that there permanently. He then asked if he could have the car when he turns 16 since I have so many cars already. I paused for a moment to gather myself and told him no as the car stays with me as long as I can drive so we will do something else.
Come Thursday I didn't feel like working so I left my office at 11am and went down to the Hornet where I could spend time doing what I like to do in quiet privacy up on the O9 Level chipping paint. I chipped paint, check drains, and swept all the Island decks till 7:30 that night and was the last person to exit the ship by a few hours. That felt good as it had been two weeks and I get antsy when I can't get down there to spend time working.
Hopefully I can get a full nights rest tonight without anything waking me up. Being tired enough should work.
Over the past week we have gotten some things straightened out. My sister heard from my father's lawyer and it turns out he did have an advanced directive (2003) listing my sister so all that we went through with the ex was not needed. Yet no one knew at the time. Being the youngest she is also the executor. So on Friday I needed to go to the funeral home to sign the cremation consent after they were told the ex wasn't legal. While there I noticed that the ex signed that page with my father's last name which ticked me off. On the next page she used her true last name. The aide saw what I said and then went back to redo every single page for me to sign thereby eliminating her from the papers.
Then, because I woke up in the middle of the night before as I was having a dream about my father, I needed to confirm burial in the ground. He will be going to the Sacramento Valley National Cemetery in Dixon where there is ground and wall burial. He did specify ground. Then checked to make sure his rank was correct. Last, to make sure they were made aware that the Flag presentation is to me and not the ex. Time to end the charade.
Of course, I woke up at 5am this morning having another dream. This was a two part dream dealing with burial certificates and end of life. I called the funeral home to make sure all certificates are to be delivered to me when they call me to pick them up. The second part, which forced me out of bed because sleeping was pointless dealt with end of life. My end of life. My father may have almost made 93 but my mother has dementia and healthy. Which way will I go and do I take things into my own hands if things go the wrong way. A person really has absolute control over one thing and that is whether they live or die. I have no desire to wander a house endlessly not remembering a single thing from one minute to the next. I have seen countless nursing home patients, who could live 10 years in a home, even though their memory is totally gone. Not for me.
On Wednesday I drove my father's car to pick my son up at school. My father only had two new cars in his life since his working life was filled with numerous company cars some nice and exotic. Only my mother got a new car. So he treated himself to a 2004 Buick Le Sabre in dark metallic red and chrome wheels. Stunning car. It is now mine to go along with his other new car which was my first car when I was 16, the 68 Mercury Cougar. In the car my 10 year old, who likes the car, sat in the front and was going through everything and noticed a picture of Pop pop in the center console. I had just put that there permanently. He then asked if he could have the car when he turns 16 since I have so many cars already. I paused for a moment to gather myself and told him no as the car stays with me as long as I can drive so we will do something else.
Come Thursday I didn't feel like working so I left my office at 11am and went down to the Hornet where I could spend time doing what I like to do in quiet privacy up on the O9 Level chipping paint. I chipped paint, check drains, and swept all the Island decks till 7:30 that night and was the last person to exit the ship by a few hours. That felt good as it had been two weeks and I get antsy when I can't get down there to spend time working.
Hopefully I can get a full nights rest tonight without anything waking me up. Being tired enough should work.
thrashingcows
Senior Member
Condolences on the passing of your Father.
My Father passed almost 5 years ago, was diagnosed suddenly with terminal lung cancer and given 6 weeks....he passed 5 weeks and 3 days. We looked after him at home until his passing and it was hard to see him waste away. After that experience I am a firm supporter of having the "right to die with dignity"!
There is little to no dignity in the way we treat our terminally sick and elderly...we treat our beloved animals better IMO. And like you I would rather opt out a few days/weeks/months or years early when everyone can say their farewells and the memories they have of me are positive, not the memories of the wasting away of a loved one.
My Father passed almost 5 years ago, was diagnosed suddenly with terminal lung cancer and given 6 weeks....he passed 5 weeks and 3 days. We looked after him at home until his passing and it was hard to see him waste away. After that experience I am a firm supporter of having the "right to die with dignity"!
tbm3fan said:
There is little to no dignity in the way we treat our terminally sick and elderly...we treat our beloved animals better IMO. And like you I would rather opt out a few days/weeks/months or years early when everyone can say their farewells and the memories they have of me are positive, not the memories of the wasting away of a loved one.
65sporty
Old Man with a Hat
Just getting caught up, very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope the cars help with fond memories of your father. It sounds like your getting hard part sorted out. Things go a lot better when everyone is on the same page, from what I have read it sounds like you found that out.
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