i'll post the consensus answer tonight .. see if anybody else wants to weigh in. When you see the answer it may make immediate sense. It took a while for me to get tho.
hint: think what's happening to the photons ("light") right on either side of the event horizon? The only side that matters is what you can "see" from the outside -- your buddy doesnt see anything while he's getting "spaghetti-fied" by gravity into the singularity.
and you cannot see his horrible fate past the event horizon because no light gets past the event horizon to the outside (that's why it looks black from the outside) due to the intense gravity...but you WILL "see" something happen to him before AND after he goes in.
hint: think what's happening to the photons ("light") right on either side of the event horizon? The only side that matters is what you can "see" from the outside -- your buddy doesnt see anything while he's getting "spaghetti-fied" by gravity into the singularity.
and you cannot see his horrible fate past the event horizon because no light gets past the event horizon to the outside (that's why it looks black from the outside) due to the intense gravity...but you WILL "see" something happen to him before AND after he goes in.