Thanks all, I had no idea green, sweet smelling antifreeze turns orange and odorless when sitting on a painted, slightly corroded surface. I dribbled a little more in that area and let it sit overnight and sure enough, it was completely orange/red. The entire puddle under the car was orange as well so it must've cooked it while driving (?). I replaced the thermostat gasket again with some RTV this time and everything else in the system remains bright green. My ignorance is showing once again but at least I didn't find a new way to grenade something I guess.
MM clamps have been replaced with ear seal and heater hose has been re-routed. Couldn't go underneath as that would crimp it more so it's over and away now. (It was touching when I bought the car so I'm glad somebody noticed that..)
I'll replace the valve cover gaskets in the next few weeks.